Items of interest:
When infidelity is revealed in a relationship, it is often devastating to the hurt partner. While it takes time, courage and full transparency, couples often are able to move forward together. The ability to talk fully and openly about what happened, and to explore what the causes of what was likely a secret relationship can prove to be healing and often restores trust. Therapy can help you decide how to proceed with your lives, together or separately. Forgiveness is possible. "After the Affair", by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. is a good source for couples grappling with the issue of infidelity.
The Economy, Divorce and Therapy:
Surveyed psychologists say that it is more economical both financially and emotionally to fix a marriage rather than to end it. It is interesting that a positive outcome of the financial crisis is that couples are putting more effort into working things out. Could it be that for some learning to live with each other and accepting their spouse or partner's faults is the best way of resolving difficulties? Try asking yourself, "What can I do to make this marriage better for me?" or "How can I be a better partner"? "What brought us together in the first place? Can I still connect with that?" Should you decide to seek counseling, I will help you explore your feelings, clarify your goals for your relationship and encourage you in making your partnership mutually satisfying. If you do decide that divorce is the best decision for you, I can support you through the process.
An article on Huffington Post titled Marriage Secrets of Highly Successful Couples, the author lists 10 things that couples with long relationships seem to do on a pretty consistent basis. Along with #1 Enjoying Each Other, and #10 Sharing the Same Values, an interesting item caught my eye. Successful couples Learn and Grow Together. Pretty difficult not to see how the practice of self-improvement and new interests wouldn't have an immediate impact on a long-term relationship. Exposure to new skills, ideas, environments and interactions brings energy into our lives, and adds positive value to how we share what we have learned at home. Better yet, learn a new skill together and foster the bond together.
I am a member of Seattle Counselors Association and have a listing with them as well. http://www.seattlecounselors.org
I serve on the Advisory Board for the Masters in Psychology program at Seattle University where I received my degree in 2002. For more information about the program see www.seattleu.edu/MAP
The board of Matumaini Counseling is a place with a mission that is important to me. Matumaini provides mental health counseling for youth of color and those who care about them. Find out more at www.matumainicounseling.org